Circus Catastrophe

*001 goodbye, hello

2010-04-28T13:13:00.002+08:00

Now here's a surprise.
Blogger.

This was - actually, still is, since it's existent - an old blog of mine,
I might be back since
my sister has discovered my LiveJournal.

These things depress me.

And,
I refuse to lock it, because then
it'd block another huge bunch of people from
access to my
incoherent ramblings.

Good point,
that's not such a huge loss, is it?

C'est la vie,
we'll see.

053. pass by the bypass

2009-06-23T16:48:00.002+08:00

I cannot take it anymore.

It's been sitting in my head, swirling around, mixing everything else up, just threatening to kill my system at 'Go'. I don't even know what I'm doing here anymore, hell, I don't even know what I'm thinking anymore.

And it's not fair.
It's not fair, to me.

I'm always the one stuck, with the leftovers. The loose ends get thrown to me to tie up, because, that's just what I'm good for, aren't I? I'm the one, who juggles bowling pins and chainsaws while you look on and offer half-hearted applause, the one who ends up falling all over myself trying to get you, to notice.
I'm the one you turn to, when you've got a few extra worksheets, a few hours to spare, a few days of leave, a few months of not knowing anyone else, a whole lot of idle time online.
And, you throw me the whole package, and slope off halfway for something better, and I've got the rest left to sensibly eradicate, on my own.

I'm sorry I never said thanks.

You're just about to argue, that that's not true, that you've got it worse, that I'm making a big deal of out something everyone gets as well.

I don't need to know we're all equally unfortunate.
Perhaps we are, but some of us, are more wilful than others.

And some of us, just don't know how to be loved.

052. letterless keyboard

2009-06-20T15:26:00.002+08:00

Willa's keyboard has missing letters. I have to guess where 'E', 'R', 'T', 'A', S', 'D', 'C', and 'N' are, and 'M''s going too.

Lynn's reading over my shoulder because this post was meant for her.

-coughs discreetly-

Now she's hurrying me. What a nag.

Hello, Lynn, are you reading this?

No?

Good, then I won't have to write it.

Alright, alright. This post is dedicated to my lovely little lazy Lynn, who is and always be my darling daughter. She just called me a purple cow, and I'm wondering why I'm flattering her here. It comes from being the understanding and compassionate mother I am, I'm sure.

Willa's mother buys delicious chocolate muffins.

Lynn doesn't like chocolate muffins. She says she's okay with them, and she doesn't really like them, neither does she really like them. I've just learnt something inspirational about my daughter. I'll bet she likes coffee buns warm from the oven.

HA I KNOW YOU.

I KNOW YOU DON'T DRINK COFFEE.

But. You like warm coffee buns. Just shut up and agree.

My acrylic nails feel like they're gonna snap off. Like teeth that are going to drop off soon, or something. That may well be the case, in a few days.

Lynn [lee-en]: adj., encompasses all positive meaning.

051. underpassed

2009-06-12T19:29:00.002+08:00

The weather's crazyhot.

In fact, it's so bad, I'm losing my mind, sorta.
Who knew weather could be so annoyingly erratic?

I went out with Hwee today - finally.

It was, mildly awkward, and a lot inspiring. I love that awesome girl.
She got me lovely stuff from the Land of The Rising Sun; reduced sugar chocolate Pocky and a pretty lil' keychain in the shape of a bass guitar. A red bass guitar.
I told you, she's awesome.

We sloped around Kinokuniya a lot, and I found a whole bunch of interesting material I'd never seen before. It's amazing what you can discover, with a friend around.
"I love being surrounded by Japanese things!"
"Yeah, but everyone loves it now, I don't want to like it."
"It feels overrated."
"Exactly, like you have to share."
"...Like how everyone loves Yamada and we don't want to love him anymore."
"YES, EXACTLY."

I bumped into Richmond, after god-knows-how-many years, he's tall and skinnyish ._.
He couldn't recognize me, for a while. Mehh.
He was doing street sales, like Hwee, which really amused me. It's a damn small world, and we know it. I could list another fifty similar incidents where I realised people I meet in the oddest ways were actually right beside me all along - but, so could you.

We're out of cornflakes and soy milk. Unfortunate.

So many things going through my head right now, I don't really feel like entertaining any of them. It's really tiring to try and focus and any one thing right now, and I'm greatly out of it.

A few months before, I would've tried consulting somebody or the other.
It's a bit difficult.

050. love in 1597

2009-06-10T13:03:00.005+08:00

I wonder, what I should have for lunch.
It's already 1.04pm, but I'm not very hungry.

It's, knowing what I want but not having it.

A sinister romantic, oh, he's about to be and she's about to see.

I honestly thought turning fifteen (in three days, specifically) would've held more excitement than this.
But I'm not really disappointed, not really. What had I been expecting, truth be told?

A glittery romantic, oh, he's about to be and she's about to see.

People tell me, growing up's a lot like falling.
People tell me it's not very much like what we expect.
So I don't expect, and it turns out the wrong way again.

Which is it?

Oh, don't you know it, don't you know it?

It makes me want to, think.

Back to topic at hand, what shall I have for lunch?
I have noodles, which I'd have to cook.
I could buy something, from the coffee shop nearby.
I could take a walk, I could.

Maybe.

That's Shakespeare in love.

049. starberries

2009-06-10T00:39:00.003+08:00

You think it's funny, do you?
You think it's just a joke, I'm just a joke.

To throw it all in my face, to just.
Kick me, and hurt me, and run off laughing.
Over, over and over again.

It drives me insane, you know that?

To think, I raised my hopes, skyhigh.
But it was all so, futile.
Fruitless.
To think, the efforts I'd made.
The allowances, the favors I'd granted.
Over, over and over again.

I don't get it, I really didn't, but.
Now I do, huh?
Now that it's all too soon, now that I've said it all.
What do I have left, honestly?
What can I say, that'll make you see?

To think that, I'm never up there, with the rest.
I just don't match up, ever.
I'm just a joke to you, am I? I'm just.
Somebody that won't be of significance, something, even.

I'm happy I could make you smile.
Just for a second, but.
It'd be nice to know, I'm worth a bit more than just that.

I crack myself up, sometimes.

Damn you, Tuesday.

048. 21st century breakdown

2009-06-08T22:56:00.002+08:00

GREEN DAY'S NEW ALBUM IS OUT <3

I'm going, to get it.
Thank goodness I have some Birthday Money to spend, else I'd be broke.

"Go get yourself something you like", they say.
But, I'm not exactly sure what I like.
And the things I do know, I can't really buy.

It's bittersweet.

But on that note, I'd like to, spend a day doing nothing, not having to worry. Just one day.
Drinking coffee at Starbucks,
spending time with somebody who loves me,
and won't tell me things I don't want, to hear.

Just to be, happy.

It's a lot, to ask for.

047. journey to the west

2009-04-27T19:58:00.002+08:00

Just goes to show, love is, and has always been, a waste of time.

I don't care. It's too hard for me to handle, and I'm letting it, go.

I'm not going to love you anymore, because, it's too much for me to take.
I don't care, I can't care.

It was inspiring while it lasted, but I'm letting go of this love.
That was never meant.

046. shawty, shawty

2009-04-23T09:19:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Amelia <3

Although she will never actually see this, but it's fine. The fact that I'm doing this in math, when my teacher is PMSing, proves that I am devoted and loving to commemorating my sister's birthday. She's twelve, no less.

It's been a turbulent week. I'm frickin' glad my Integrated Paper's over; it's shockingly liberating. Obviously I still remember I have another paper later in the evening (yes, not afternoon but EVENING), but I shan't be cynical for once. Let me just appreciate the fact that one paper's down, another 78,430 to go.

Okay I fail at being appreciative, go me.

I think I'm typing a tad too loudly.
Whenever the class goes silent and she stops yammering about quadratic graphs, you can hear the tapping of keys. Hesitant (in case I get caught).

Singapore got hit by a typhoon last night. No, I'm serious.
HAHA GOTCHA. Though I don't really know what it was like, I was hiding under my blanket at 11.30pm, pretend-studying humanities and trying to surreptiously flick through my copy of Fool's Mate.

YES I HAVE FOOL'S MATE, March Issue (GazettE on the cover!). In addition to the May issue of Popteen, and the May issue of Betsucomi (7th Anniversary edition, comes with a glossy cover and two free comic books!). My allowance is shot to pieces.
But it's worth it, I think. Uruha's beautiful. And I love Reita a lot more now that I've seen his bass guitar ;D

I want to learn the bass guitar. Can somebody teach me/buy me one?

I never knew asymptotes were used so much in architecture - that's pretty darned cool.
But I refuse to have interest in anything that goes near a 'Y equals something-something', I'm a narrow-minded critic like that.

I really hate myself sometimes.

045. crash and burn

2009-04-19T20:08:00.002+08:00

I just touched a lighted candle. I didn't know they could hurt so much, ow.

I'm at an end. No, I'm serious, I don't know where to go from here. I'm sick of people telling me it's going to work out fine at the end. It's like a meaningless path of consolations, y'know?

First you tell me things are gonna be fine.
Once I don't believe it anymore, you tell me you understand.
Once I don't believe it anymore, you tell me it's normal, it's okay.
Once I don't believe it anymore, you tell me it'll all work out.

What now? What lies are you gonna feed me this time? How long are you going to lead me on, till I just burn out one day, like a candle that's run out of wax?

You can't keep flinging paper at the flame, like that's going to do anything good for it.

You can't keep yanking me along, thinking it's all for the better.

I don't want anymore help, I don't want anymore compassion. I certainly don't want any of the stupid stuff you call pity - yes, I know that's what it is. What do you take me for, anyway?

Above all, I don't want anymore love.

It's really just trash. That's what it is. Trash, to burn and waste away, trash.
It cuts into me like a razor blade.
It's aiming straight for you too, if you don't watch your back.

Lies, lies, lies. Crashing into eternal darkness and oblivion, lies.

Tell me what to do? Tell me what I should try this time. Try, and cry.

044. PAWWWN!

2009-04-17T10:23:00.002+08:00

Chess is a terrific game, because you can spend the time in between sipping cocktails and watching television.

Why am I not in school? You can take time to mull over this, no pressure at all, now. When you have an answer, do press the buzzer and let us know! You stand a chance of winning a packet of tissue worth forrrrty-five cents!

Audrey, Yijing and I were at third language yesterday, and they both agreed I'm extremely likely to have some sort of psychological disorder. And they both picked 'suicidal' over 'anorexic'.

Interesting.

043. blackhearted vivacity

2009-04-15T13:05:00.003+08:00

Something stupid in me, possessed me to take this seat in the computer lab.
Such that my back is to my teacher, but my computer screen is directly in her view.

I'm supposed to be researching on internal conflict in East Timor. Give me something difficult, why don't you?
The problem is, if I am given something vague with loads of play area, it's Never Going To Get Done. But if you give me something that just requires to get done, no flexibility-exercise-creativity whatsoever, it gets shot down in record time.
Which is strange, considering I'm an artist. Freedom and all that trash.

I really love Guren, by GazettE.
And RESCUE by KAT-TUN.

Yes, my taste is very broad and covers a lot of ground, I KNOW.

It's funny to hear the pro-Jpop-ers and pro-Jrock-ers banter over who's gayer, when both sides have equally questionable behaviour.

I just, y'know, stand there and laugh.

042. un-duh my life

2009-04-11T15:50:00.002+08:00

My stomach's churning and swirling like a damned inferno inside of me.

I really, really, need to detoxify my system. Except, the only way to do that is pain from one side or the other.
Wouldn't it be cool if I could just cut out a chunk of flesh, clear out my stomach (like with a spoon or something), and then stick it back, no side effects?

The thunder's scaring me. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I need to remove that childish characteristic of myself, now. Being afraid of sound is completely, utterly, irrational.

Also, it sucks having to plug my ears with my fingers everytime there's a lightning bolt.

(A bit like the lengths I'm going to, to make sure I'm poised for action when the tragedy hits.)

041. epic (easter) revival

2009-04-10T17:40:00.005+08:00

This blog is -well and truly- back in action.

I can't believe how timely this has turned out to be, since Easter's the time for new beginnings, no?

(Let's ignore the fact that it's still two days.)
(Let's also ignore the fact that it used to be the celebration of a pagan festival, where the rabbit was a symbol of fertility, for oh-so-obvious reasons.)

I've drawn up a new set of resolutions (that had been due since, oh I don't know, New Year?) that I shall actually make conscious efforts to stick to. On pain of Death.

Or. Maybe, just a bit of scolding. I'm still quite weak, y'know.

001 ~~Stop treating everyone like irrelevant shards of barely-there reality.~~ Because, even though that may be the case, I'm still surrounded by tons of them, and I'm not going to go around picking fights for being anti-social.
Even though, that may be the case as well. Whatever.
Okay forget it. Strike that out.

002 ~~Quit~~ ~~Tone down~~ Think before the excessive usage of profanities. I really want to get this clear, because I don't want to be one of those people who obsess over the eff-word and think it's awesome to punctuate every casual remark with them. I mean, come on, that is overrated.
(But they encompass my sentiments quite well, sometimes.)

003 ~~Stop eating everything in the house.~~ Okay, why am I even considering this? Food is life, life is food. Enough said. Gone and done. Deal with it.

004 ~~Stop listening to mindless music.~~ But as long as it's good, and it makes me think, it should be alright? I mean, music is life, life is music, and...

Oh sod it.

This is why I don't bother with resolutions. I believe in the Law of Attraction, cheerios.

040. MOVED

2008-10-01T10:36:00.001+08:00

Congratulate me, completing a blogskin before EOYs -_-"

HERE.

Similar to one of my old blogskins, I just ripped the template from there.

039. conquer-esque

2008-09-30T14:34:00.002+08:00

Jean, I plunder your questionnaire.

About you

Name: The President Of The Slut Association
Nicknames: You call me what I go by, d'you hear?
Age: Negative one.
Schools attended: CPK, SNGS, NYPS, NYGH.
Earliest memory: Due to my lack of ability to recall, the earliest memory I have is of eating lunch. Which was approximately, uh, half and hour ago.
Hair colour: Black, dark brown, light brown, blonde, white, grey, silver, bronze, red. I NO LIE, NO LIE! -waves hands dramatically and gestures to hair-
Eye colour: Brown, or black.
Height: Too short to notice, whoot. 150 mm!
Greatest fear: Rejection.
Words you go by: Awwww.

Favourites

Food: As errrrrratic as my mood swings.
Fruits: I don't like things that are good for me. -flicks wrist-
Drink: Anything with caffeine, including coke. HAHA CELINE SUE ME NOW.
Colour: Red, black, white. Tainted patriotism.
Music: MUSIC IS LIFE.
Quote: Then we plunder the treasures of our enemies.
Person to IM: Nobody in particular - but I always click on Fwee instinctively.
Book: Author, maybe? That's more appropriate. Anthony Horowitz, Lewis Carroll, Miyuki Miyabe, Lisi Harrison.
Cartoon character: Nana (:
Friends: THIS WAS DONE TO INFLICT JEALOUSY. I WILL NOT COMPLY.
Sport: Billard. Nothing doing.
Brand: Ferrari (: YES IT IS A BRAND CURSE YOU MINDLESS INFIDELS.
Swear word: Crap!
Planet: Lame question, not worth my attention.

Friends

Hottest: ...I can't think of anyone. The word doesn't ring a bell.
Chattiest: Eleanor, probably!
Tallest: Simhwee. I didn't think of my guy friends, so.
Shortest: -reaches for the duct tape instinctively before I say something I regret-
Scandalous: Me, of course. HAHA NO. Jingting? Yes.
Sporty: Jiaen.
Dirtiest: Simhwee. WHOOT WHO'S INNOCENT NOWWWW.
Best dressed: Celine, most of the time (:
Most missed: Eleanor ><
Best Listening Ear: None of them. Tsh.
Best Actress: Celine. You go, girl!
Attractive: Somehow...Simhwee?
Whom you trust most: None of them, ain't it obvious.
Kindest: Charlotte.

On your phone

First person on J contacts:
Jacinta - my sister's classmate. Like, ew!

The third person down C contacts:
Calvin. Who's he?

Last miss call:
Ezra. YOU PERSON CALL DUNNO HOW MANY TIMES -_-

Last call from:
Ezra.

Last text message from:
Ezra HAHA THIS IS GETTING FUNNY.

First song on your playlist:
10 Minutes by Lee Hyori.

What does the last message in your phone says:
Simhwee: HAHA. Nino is awesome. -random chunk of stuff- NINO <3
(How pointless our convos are xD)

Wait, last meaning...earliest? Or latest?!

Describe the first picture in your gallery:
Our class bin filled with saccharine-laden beverages; Pink Dolphin, Pomegranate juice, Crysanthenum tea, Milo, Pokka Green tea, H20, coffee, etc.

Currently

Listening: Bop Bop Baby - Westlife. Strange. But sweet.
Eating: NOTHING BUT I WANT FOOD. -hungry angry mode ON-
Drinking: SHUTTUP LA.
Talking to: My invisible friend Betty. Jollin knows her too (:
Engaging in: I have an urge to write something indecent.
Wearing: Korea Sparkling shirt and shorts. I ALWAYS HAPPEN TO BE WEARING THAT SHIRT WHEN I DO QUIZZES. IT'S A CONSPIRACY, OMG!!
Thinking about: WEB Worship schedule, I'm on for this Saturday.
Wishing: For life to sort itself out, for once.
Worrying: SHUTTUP LA.
Happy about: Like there's much to be happy about.
Sad about: SHUTTUP LA I SOUND LIKE BROKEN RECORD LIAOZ YOU HAPPY ISSIT -_-
Craving: My significant other - FOOD.

This or that

Stars or moon: Moon.
Black or white: Black.
English or Chinese: English.
Pearl or diamond: Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Bread or rice: RICE OMG GOHAN OMG MATSUJUN~
Fizzy drinks or herbal tea: Both are refreshing, no?
Math or Science: Science. DUHHH.
Cab or car: I demand my Ferrari, darling.
Friends or family: Family, they take all precedence. I try.

(:

038. un-existed

2008-09-29T20:35:00.002+08:00

It's not you, it's not me, it's just the way it has to be.

It probably looks like I'm over-reacting - but no, I can swear I'm not.
In fact, we're not.

Tough luck?

Maybe next time.

037. greensleaves

2008-09-26T10:39:00.003+08:00

I am so tired.

My eyes are puffy and swollen and red, my face is as white as paper and I have a splitting headache. It sucks. I have no appetite whatsoever, there is nothing to eat in the whole house anyway, blessed be my fate. On top of all that I have an ulcer that hurts so much I can't even speak. And oh, I have trouble keeping my eyes open. Basically I look like shite.

Not studying for my Japanese exam is one thing, but not being able to actually complete the exam because I'm bloody exhausted is another, and completely irrational. I detest nature sometimes, but I bring it upon myself, don't I?

Actually it's nothing a nice long nap couldn't cure - BUT I CAN'T DO THAT NOW. I have a stupid exam to study for, which I will ace.
-puts on a piercing glare and tilts head to one side in incredulous-ness-
Which I will definitely ace.

I have tuition after my exam, glorious joy. May my tutor please slip and fall on a banana peel, nothing serious but please lay off it for a few weeks, dear.

[If you're not Simhwee you may skip this chunk.]
OMG I LOVE YAMADA. He is so irresistible. Try as I might, tsh.
(or it's just the strawberries, I can never tell.)

-manic laughter- Goodness, I swear I just read the word 'huggling'. TAKAYAMA (:

This uhm, strange fic I read the other day. Went something like RyoDa, but actually one-sided KameRyo that's formed because of KameDa, and a used-to-be JinDa that broke up because of RyoJin. D'you follow? Because I sure as hell couldn't (:
[You may resume your delightful daily dose of reading my inner thoughts.]

I want to sing a song. Dammit.

036. d'you think y'love me

2008-09-25T21:40:00.002+08:00

I was randomly browsing through DA and came across a series of Deathnote cosplay photoshoots. While I can't say the photography was exceptional in any way - DAMN THE CHARACTERS WERE GOOD (:

-itching need to cosplay for once in my bloody life, and never again-

Which reminds me; Charlotte, Yijing, WE HAVE A DATE, NO?

I keep pushing the fact that I have an examination tomorrow to the back of my mind, and somehow I have no intention to pass or anything. Damn the textbooks, grades, scholarships to eternal damnation. You know what, I think I'll just swig the Bacardi and grin stupidly at any hint of opposition.

I suddenly have this urge to pick up dancing x) For real, honestly.

Especially whenever Nannen Tatte Mo blasts out of my speakers, it's practically animal instinct to leap out from my chair and boogie. Pity there's nobody to join me in my madness.

I WANT A KAT-TUN CD, FROM HMV.
'Cause that's the only place in Singapore they stock such awesome stuff.

Tuition tomorrow, I prepare myself for the imcomparable stunned look of a tutor when I announce with great dignity that "I did not do any work at all! Did you?". I swear I am a good girl.

035. unseen, unprose

2008-09-22T16:52:00.002+08:00

The untouched pile of
Letters
The forgotten stash of
Matters
How she broke the ties of love
With one word; mercy from above

Text scrawled across the canvas
Devotion;
they were all hers.

Half-blessed memories long lost from
Her consciousness of utter scorn

The writer of the first piece was the one
Who always just craved for more fun
But fell headlong into her charm
Camouflaged;
A source of harm.

He, with a heart of gold
He, whose soul he sold
He, who was but a boy
He, who was but her toy

He, his books he dropped just to

pause
And marvel at her lack of flaws.

Maybe they'd all have been gladder?
If they knew, they'd never have her?

Words written with the scribe of Cupid
(Damn) If they were just stupid
The beauty of Venus, the
voice of the Sirens, her
Spirit of Diana
And wrath of Medusa.

The fierce disregard for what they feel,
Still, she was their
Achille's heel.

Fingers in mid-motion -
Sinks in the love potion,
She recalls this one suitor
Determined to suit her;

His heart, soul, grey matter - all sacrificed for the latter.

Maybe too much he had given,
For it landed her in prison
When she put the fullstop in the middle
Of his long life, what a riddle

Such a pretty face
With such endless grace
Too much stress, they said
That made her what she's made
Of

Sins and utter crime
Punishable by her time
She spends sitting in her cell
On these lonely memories may she dwell

People flock in and out, but
They truly can't know about

Why she could never love a man; couldn't bear it again.

Because, after all,
No one was ever sure,
Of what her true love did to her.

034. lick-a-licious

2008-09-21T13:57:00.003+08:00

I'm getting weaker everyday, and I'm stabbing in the dark, lusting hungrily for the day it all comes to an end.

033. skyrocketing phone bill

2008-09-19T06:51:00.003+08:00

Jean just strolled into class with her hair tied up in an unnaturally neat fashion.

FINALLY. DRAMA ASSESSMENT IS IMMINENT.

I'm not getting nervous or anything (yet! 'Yet' being the crucial term!), but I think I'll probably screw up - especially the bit where I'm supposed to be yelling at Tessa.
"CHOCOLATE CAKE?!" -with excessive irritance- "TESSA...CHOCOLATE CAKE?!"

I still haven't memorized my monologue that I'm supposed to do at the end, which sucks.
[160, 33kg, BMI 12.8. Body fat percentage - 4%. My head is light and my stomach is empty and I've neverbeen better. Never felt better. When I flex my fingers they look like knots on a stick. When I sit with my knees together my thighs don't touch, and I've never been better. Never felt better. Since I stopped eating bread. Since I discarded pasta. Never been better. Never felt better. Never looked better. What do you need with a family anyway? What - what do you need with love? But I'm willing to forgive you. I'll be the bigger one here. We can try this again, can't we? Can't we?]

ALRIGHT I OWN (:

Saying it out is another thing, okay. Shut up and stop smirking.

ZXZZXZXzxzxzzxxszasbfkabwqhgwejh,aejk 3at4awe NOW I AM NERVOUS.

-twitches because Simhwee's talking crap-
-twitches even more-
-twitches at Jean talking crap-

I WILL NEVER AGREE TO BE THE LEAD CHARACTER AND GET MYSELF INTO SUCH CRAP EVAH, EVAH AGAYYY-N.

I'm agonized over EVERYTHING. Stupid laaaaaaa.

(HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAAHHAA I END SCHOOL EARLY (: )
(For once in my life okay. Don't go and demoralize me. Youyouyou suck.)
(SIMHWEE -_- PISSES ME OFFFFF.)

032. when hell freezes over

2008-09-18T14:52:00.002+08:00

Theoretically, I'm doing preparation work for my AEP paper.

Technically, I am blogging.

I have every right to, after being banned from using the computer at home - even for studying (which is obviously a big fat lie when I can spend five hours doing a presentation on Chen Shui Bian). Therefore.

[Audrey says hi (:]

I can't focus on my AEP at all, which sucks. JUXTAPOSITION. I can't work well with one-word prompts, except maybe 'anything'. Dammit.

Having drama rehearsal later, which is going to be quite energy-draining. I don't think I can quite do the role of lead character as I am highly likely to forget all my lines, and happily blurt out, 'MUMMY I WANT HASHBROWNS' in the middle of handing my application form to Charlotte when I am obviously supposed to play the part of a serious slimming client. HOW AM I GONNA PASS DRAMA HURH YOU TELL ME.

That aside, life pretty much sucks right now. Everything is terrifying.

Uhm. Oh yes. Being an official member of the worship team now, I've met a few new interesting people, one of them being my good friend Ezra. He demanded I post something about him, so here it is. Hello Ezra do you see this? HAHAHA.

I WANT TO PASS AEP. FOR ONCE, DAMMIT.

I WANT TO PASS DRAMA (or not).

031. drama-teen

2008-09-13T09:48:00.002+08:00

I am so not going to ramble about drama right now, so as to save me all the psychological agony. Instead, I shall conscientiously study for my chinese cultural test - yes, while blogging and MSNing and eating with great vigour.

I seriously need a shower.

Watched XiangSheng last night (blame my mood swings for being lazy to type two measly words in Chinese for the benefit of all hanyupinyin-illiterate people, okay?), it was actually very good. HOWEVER. I still do not have any particular newly-founded respect for talking in accents with extreme coherence/speed/emotion in a language I would rather not know.

I had gelato before the concert, and supper after -_-"
I feel like a big, fat, pigggg. Supper equaled a cup of watermelon juice, a cup of sugarcane juice, a plate of carrot cake, a plate of sambal kangkong, a plate of roti john and a plate of chicken wings. All cholesterol and starch-laden, but inexplicably sinful.

I mean, there are times local food can always overrule chocolate.

I suddenly recall this line I read somewhere before. It tasted inexplicably of chocolate and sex.

I like that line, genuinely.

That aside, I'm going out for lunch today (:
And I'm going for church tonight ):

Stop screwing with my moods by putting everything on the same damned day!

030. pure stains

2008-09-09T18:32:00.002+08:00

I hope it's just PMS, but it's pretty clear it isn't.

I don't even want to make the effort to do anything anymore.

I mean, I'm not slacking, or pissed, or anything.

I'm just there. It's not worth it.

I'm getting myself to do the things I should, because I should.

I'm not doing the things I want, because I can't.

I'm doing the things I must, because I trust.

I will get to do the things I need, the things from greed.

Don't tell me 'it'll get better', or 'I'm just being difficult', or 'Why is everyone so moody and emo now?'. I'm not 'anyone', I'm not 'being difficult' and it will not 'get better'.
I'm 'no one', I am 'being desolate', because it will not 'get better'.

If one day should I suddenly disappear, this should explain why.

My mental state is quite precarious right now, and maybe I just can't be bothered to set things straight. If it's time for a massive change, let it be.

If one day the results should become irreversible, this should explain why.

It's not worth my effort to struggle with myself, because I'm just going to wonder why I did. Instead, let's let it be and see what happens from here.

If you don't understand a word I'm saying, I pray that you won't ever have to, or need to.

For now, let's just enjoy the time we have left, and I pray that it won't ever end, or need to.

Although if things do worsen from here, I pray that it won't affect us, or need to.

029. mrs fieldwork

2008-09-08T10:44:00.003+08:00

It's the first day of school, let's rejoice!

...I'm sorry?

The horrible realization just kicked in. I have nothing at home to eat. I exhausted my food supply yesterday, when I finished the last slice of chocolate pound cake.
DON'T BLAME ME. IT LOOKED SO PITIFUL IN THE COLD LONELY FRIDGE. I JUST HAD TO END THE PAIN. (Self-gratification.)

Simhwee's next to me, fretting because our geography assignment is due and refuses to magically produce itself out of nowhere. I THROW UP BLOOOOOD.
[Simhwee: YES.]

I'm hoping we get our Japanese common test papers back today (:
It's what I deserve for one week of studying like some insane nerd.
Or worse, because at least nerds look studious and hardworking. I just look like a complete slacker trying very hard to look hardworking by smacking on a pair of Ultra Nerdy Glasses.
And of course, that image is completely ruined the instant I scream bloody murder, purely because I'm unnaturally hungry and require sustenance immediately.

IMMEDIATELY, AY.

Due to unneccessary over-exposure to yours truly, my sister has taken to saying things such as "Nay, I do bear a brain!" then she turns to me in great excitement and says, "Do the airy brawl thing!" (In which she refers to three civil brawls bred of an airy word, I swear.)

Due to neccessary over-exposure to One Pound Gospel as well as Tantei Gakuen Q, I have been mindlessly spouting things like "HONTO NI DESUKA~" and "Dou suru?!" and "MITEYO! SENSEI, MITEYO!!". It's so embarassing, I should extinguish myself at once.

I think I cannot spell 'unneccessary'. Or is it 'unnecessary'. Damn, they both look right.

Been busy making icons recently, maybe I'll just dump them all on LJ. If I'm feeling awfully generous and proud of my crap work, yes.

My parents are still overseas, and it's quite amusing really, what they email to me.

"Don't use the internet for anything other than homework."
"Don't stay up too late."

And I've completely let them down by watching Tantei Gakuen Q till one in the bloody morning. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHA.

So sue me.

028. boku no pantsu!

2008-09-05T17:30:00.004+08:00

I feel quite horrible right now, because I have a huge pile of homework sitting less than a meter away. And, and I'm just brazenly watching a whole chunk of J-Dramas. (Is chunk appropriate? Or maybe...a hundered gigabytes' worth?)

One Pound Gospel is hilarious, I swear. I'm going to go to school screaming, "SHIS-TAH ANJEERAA!!" at the top of my voice, and then immediately switch to falling in love with every single morsel of food I see.
That being said, check out my calorie count! This is what Amanda The Awesome has consumed as of today, 5th September 2008:
- Three slices of chocolate pound cake
- Two upsized muffins as big as an adult's fist
- Goodness-knows-how-many cups of milo
- Tons of orange squash
- Fresh milk, by the quart
- Two cartons of yoghurt
- Almond jelly
- A HUGE bowl of cereal
- Fried korean noodles
- Two egg sandwiches, extra mayo
- Lor Mai Kai
- TimeOut
- Mooncake

Okay, I think that's about it. Hrnh.

Sensei wa Erai was sweet, and gave me the short-lived incentive to finish my AEP preparation work for the sake of showing the world that I have a good art teacher. -nods-
Speaking of which, Audrey saw Mr Gan today! It's a miracle - but I sincerely hope he's alright. Maybe we should really go do something about it, because he really doesn't seem to be okay.

My sister is hopelessly in love with Daiki right now.
(Which is totally fine by me.)

I shall now do my Sensei proud, and study Japanese with great vigour. -picks up Popolo magazine with conviction-
"What, you mean this doesn't count?"

Ooh. Tantei Gakuen Q. -clicks-

027. prodigious liar

2008-09-04T15:02:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday to Yuichi Nakamaru!~
(But sorry, darling, you don't deserve a post with all the frills and extensions just yet.)

Had Bio supplementary class today, and for some strange (or not) reason, I had this really strong impulse to snap at everyone just for the sake of pissing people off. I'm naturally an anti-social person, so it's not really any of you that annoy me. The holiday just enhanced my interaction with inanimate objects and I prefer that to anybody who can be bothered to grace my presence with your stuck-up disposition.
Ooh, touche (:

Thank goodness for slurpees, which saved most of you from a sticky pissy fate.

Okay. I apologize for my words now. -bows deeply-

I just have no idea what's wrong with me, and it's actually quite entertaining, the way I act now. I keep crapping up here and there but it all amounts to nothing, so I try what for?
Thank you, The English Language, for screwing with me once again.

Totally out of it, because everything I eat tastes effed up. Like somebody jammed it in Quicksand Slushie and blended it with two million bugs and seasoned it generously with No-Taste-No-Smell. I question my coherence, please take a stand.

Whoops, there goes the last shred of sanity I was saving for my grandmother's birthday. More's the pity.

Four minus one civil brawls brrrr-ed of an a-rrrrry wweerrd. I'm inclined not to say the word 'three' any longer. No thirty either, but thirteen is gay.
Gay as in, happy, as in cheery and fine. So, saying 'thirteen' is fine.

Weabo-ness, take me now.

Can't you see how much I love me?

026 shake da milky

2008-09-02T21:34:00.003+08:00

Quizzes galorrrrreeee-ious. I'm re-doing some, I got different results! (:

You Are a Strawberry Daiquiri

You're a fun, playful drinker who loves to party.

You may get totally wasted, but you're always a happy drunk!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable

At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty

You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it

Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

You Are 87% Manic

You're not just manic ... you're a complete maniac!

You never stop to do anything, including think things through.

While your mania is definitely a wild ride, maybe you should consider pacing yourself.

Are You Manic?

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.

You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority.

Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.

You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller!

In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart.

You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. You break a lot of hearts.

At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do.

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding

When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

What's Your Personality Type?

You Are Pretty Charming

While you're not a natural charmer, you can be charming when you want to be.

And lucky for those around you, you usually feel like turning on the charm.

You project a happy, calm image - even when you're feeling the exact opposite.

You make people feel great about being around you... though you're not always up for putting in the effort.

Are You Charming?

Colorful and Sexy

Confident and outrageous, you have the personality to wear a dress that really turns heads.

What's Your Prom Style?

You Are 16% Nerdy

You are definitely not nerdy - in fact, you probably don't know any nerds.

You probably care a little too much about your image. No one will know if you secretly watch Star Trek reruns!

How Nerdy Are You?

You Are 28% Phobic

Scared? You? Not really. Everyone has a few normal phobias, and you're no exception.

It's okay to be afraid of a few things. You wouldn't be human if you weren't.

How Phobic Are You?

You Are 30% Selfish

In general, you are a very giving person who treats others very well.

But at times, you insist on getting your way - when it matters most to you.

How Selfish Are You?

You Are a Super Diva

Some may complain about your diva ways, but you brush them off.

You simply demand the best - and there's nothing wrong with that.

Don't stomp on the little people too much though!

You still need them to get to the top.

Are You a Diva?

You Are 89% Borderline

It seems like you have borderline personality disorder.

Seriously consider seeking help, even if you think you don't need it.

Do You Have a Borderline Personality?

And check this one out xDD

You Are Bisexual

Girls or guys? You'll take either. Or both.

You can't make up your mind. And why should you?

What's Your Sexual Orientation?

I DON'T BELIEVE LA xDD

025. jingle-jangle

2008-09-02T08:06:00.003+08:00

Blueberry and oat cookies from Marks & Spencers are delicious.

Apologies for the prolonged absence, because I do appreciate your tags. TAG AWAYYYYY. -screams and runs about with a spear-
I've been kind of depressed lately, that's reason numero uno. Secondly, I've been using LJ (: But I'll leave it anonymous to you guys, at least for now, so yeah. I shall grin wickedly while you all BEG WITH EARNEST (or not).

I had a highly interesting dream last night. I shall copy exactly what I wrote in my LJ.
I recall Jin and Ueda and I, all equally drunk. To the extent of singing 'Mary had a little lamb' at the top of our voices, completely out of tune. There was a bit about the three of us declaring solemnly never to part - Suzy (Jin), Ally (me) and Sally (Ueda). I swear, I'm not making this up.

And then - the next thing I remember is. Me sitting in a fluffy white bed with a splitting headache, reeking of alcohol. (Since when did dreams include smell? But I'm sure this isn't the first time) With the company of two shirtless pretty boys, equally jaded.

I woke up feeling terribly amused.

ISN'T THAT AMUSING. IS IT NOT HIGHLY AMUSING. -bursts out laughing in solitude-

Aaaanyway. I'm probably going to Bugis with my sister and mum's friend tonight, so if any of you have plans to go out you can go to Bugis and pray we meet x)At least you'd be able to talk to me for a while, right! -laughs-

My geography group went for our nice long hike yesterday. And I also learnt the important of staying fit all the time. -puffs like a pufferfish- But it was highly fulfilling to have reached the top - or I'm just making a big deal out of the fact that we all didn't die. Tsh.

"ALLELUIA WE IS ALAIVE!"

The frickin' summit.
Mind you - that shot was photoshopped x) Celine was fretting over her supposedly -FAT- thighs, and I photoshopped away a bruise on my leg. It was actually to find out how photoshop-ists did stuff like that, so I gave it a shot. My, my, it's really quite gone! -astonished tone-

Heh.I shall go eat Breakfast, Part II.

024. love or li(k)e

2008-08-25T17:40:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday to my mum! (:

I'm sure she's lamenting away that she's one year older - but that happens annually to everyone, so no big deal. I bought her a lovely ice cream cake that happens to be sitting in the freezer right now - aren't I so sweet!

(Note: No hidden motives whatsoever.)

Somebody on YouTube just called me a weabo.

That is so mean. Even I don't run around called random people bitches and bastards, much as they deserve the honor of such a title. Damn, I'm going to say something really, really...

%&#!*^)@$*(@)(*$

...nasty to that...that...

)(&@)#!^(#^@@@~~)&!!@

...fellow. I'm truly appalled.

(Curseyoufalldownthestepsandendupinhospital!Icouldbeworsebutdamnyoudon'tdeservemytime!)

Simhwee, Lynn and I were having tons of fun selfishly broadcasting JE-related videos in class today, much to the horror of the members of 213. It was kinda amusing, because Lynn kept gesticulating at the HS7 members and demanding where Kame was. Excuse me, honey, BUT KAME ISN'T THERE. HE FRICKIN' ISN'T.

Akanishi Jin is so, so sexy. "Hell yeah."

I want somebody to hug. I feel so lonely.
This is crap. What the hell am I doing?!
I'm gonna cry.

023. maru's little lamb

2008-08-23T21:09:00.002+08:00

I'm just posting crap to push down the previous post, because the image is so big that it can't really be seen properly.

BUT DO LOOK AT THE PREVIOUS POST.

It's really amusing! I bet everyone's going to start testing and we'll have a class full of Anne Hathaways and Chris Browns and...and Ronan Keatings next week. Well, I'll be.

Someone please get Yamada Ryosuke and I'll just laugh really, really hard.

OR EVEN BETTER - OHNO. OHNO.

I'm going to try out all your faces right now, and then LAUGH REALLY HARD. -twiddles thumbs as I await the painful outcome-

Okay! And announcingggggg the resultszxzxzxz (omg twitify me, why don't euu)! Just the top three, because the rest are kinda negligible.

Celine - Fiona Xie (73%), Petra Nemcova (72%), Kristine Hermosa (70%)
Carissa - Maggie Cheung (74%), Arthur Ashe (66%), Lee Young Ae (63%)

The rest can't be recognized, omg! You guys need to be more narcissistic like the few of us here, and take frontal shots. Cool angles are so...passe.

I wonder what happens when I actually try a celebrity...
Oh my goldfish. Tatsuya Ueda (supposedly) looks like Sho Sakurai.
AKANISHI JIN LOOKS LIKE VIVIAN LAI..?!!?! WTH?!!?!

Ooookay. -runs away with my cookie jar-

022. i be amused

2008-08-23T21:01:00.005+08:00

I tried this with a few more pictures, because they said, "Those that appear multiple times are your celebrity twins!" Deh.
I got Ayumi tons of times, as well as Keira Knightley. HAHA!!

Check it out, guys, I'm Keanu Reeves.

021. replay - drama is pretty

2008-08-21T20:55:00.003+08:00

ATTENTION TO ALL 213ERS
Especially Celine, Charlotte, Lauren and Simhwee.

Hi guys, just wanted to say this again, even though I think I already have.
I know today's Drama lesson was really - uh - dramatic, and I want to apologize for all the crap I caused. I mean, everyone knows that, like Arts, Drama is an equally if not more touchy and sensitive. It's not entirely fun and games like what we make it out to be - I think we've realised that by now.
So, as a director (nothing much, really, just a title), I just want to apologize for all the times I've been really rude/mean/insensitive/brash to any of you. I want you to know that I don't mean to intentionally hurt any of you, because your input - more so, you as a friend - means a lot to me.
Thing is, as directors, the five of us find it really hard to satisfy everyone. Sure, it might seem really easy, but when even doing group surveys gets messy - nothing else is really that easy. Opinions are one thing, but being stubborn for the sake of it is just stupid.
Not that any of you are stupid, of course - I just hope you guys can lend all your support to the five of us. For the other four, if not for me, because I know we really need all of you to make this thing work.
If you love it, good, and I thank you. But if you hate it and really can't wait for it to end - stick with it and it'll be over soon. Who knows, you may even like it.

And another thing - 213 might be bonded in the eyes of others, but I'm sure we've all found our significant flaws already. If you want blatant - we can be mighty irresponsible, unreasonable and tactless, and you all know it. Lynn can stand witness to that, probably Simhwee and Celine as well.
Maybe it's not intentional, and I certainly fall into at least two of those categories. So, I don't want to blame anybody - it's just that we all need to get things straight in our head if we want this to work.

First of all - nobody owes you, so please don't think so. If you can't be bothered to clarify things on your own, don't expect any of us to actually trot up to you to tell you. That's not fair.
Secondly, don't go against the flow if you don't have any reason too. Loads of us are frickin' drama queens and sometimes - myself included, or even most of the time - we should learn to shut up and sit back for once.
Finally, for those who aren't drama queens, don't isolate yourself either. You're not doing us a favour by being a loner - we need every single person to be there.

If I sound way too critical, or sound like some cranky fat boss sitting in his office chair treating his colleagues like nothing but pawns and money-makers, then I'm sorry. I don't want us to screw this up, not because I love it, or because I'm the director, but really because it's a responsibility.
We all have our high times, but it's really time to grow up.

Again, I don't want to hinder anyone in the process of this so-called 'class bonding activity'. So, if you hate me really bad by now, or just can't stand me being the one to direct you - you better say so. Because I don't like being up there as much as you don't like me being up there, and it's something that has to be worked out.

On the contrary - I think we've come really far as a class, 213.

I don't want to sound sappy, really. But I do love every single one of you, and when you don't talk to me - it really hurts.

I didn't ask to be the bad guy, you know.
I hope you all don't hate me (:

Because I truly love every single one of you. You'll never be a burden to me.

020. tell me a sorry

2008-08-20T20:22:00.007+08:00

Be prepared for absolute blood.

It's going to be even worse tomorrow, I promise that much.

Tomorrow? What tomorrow? Tomorrow somewhere in the weeeek?

What a bloody lie! There's a bloody cry. You were gonna bloody try.
I can see through you, that's why I want to have you.

You'll pay, I promise that much.

Doesn't it hurt so bad? Don't I make you mad? Don't you love me more?

Love me; much, much more. I won't run away anymore.

You will.

019. i want more of you

2008-08-19T21:57:00.003+08:00

There's more of this to come.

I'm not being emo, mind you. That's such a stereotype. I hate the word, as I hate hell, all Montagues and thee. I'm not Tybalt, did you know that?

My, what incoherence yields this lonesome day?

I thought you were mine. I thought I had you in the palm of my hand.
Or was it her hand? You lie.

Look, mummy, it's a butterfly without a head. Are they all supposed to be like that?

Didn't his mummy love him too?

I thought you were mine. He's mine, too, but so were you.

I love you. It's such a shame to see you go. Thus, with a kiss, you die.

More, more, I want more of you.

018. corresponding catastrophe

2008-08-17T12:09:00.003+08:00

Youth Service is funnish now, because I'm finally being integrated into a department (:

Made tons (that's an over-statement) of new friends, but I hang around with mostly Ethel and Jollin. Ethel is extremely hyper and happy and bounces around all the time - no wonder she looks as thin as a bamboo stick sliced in half! It suits her though, and she's nice! Jollin is amusing, and she introduced me to this interesting drink.
Want Want Bubbly Jelly drink.
It's been around a while, but I tried it for the very first time yesterday. Think carbonated Ice Lemon Tea with huge chunks of jelly :X

It's addictive! (and calorie-filled, ew)

I'm going to probably abstain from blogging (not that I do much to start with, but whatevs, this is official) in view of the upcoming EOYS - shockhorrorohmichickenwtfbbq!

-rumbles off like General Templer-

017. homosexual addictions

2008-08-14T16:42:00.003+08:00

Rule One. Indulging in slash fics are naturally hazardous to one's mental health, and should be exercised moderately without excess.

I wish somebody had told me that earlier, damn.

Anyway, that aside. School's been pretty interesting recently, despite the class reeking of dead fish and other displeasing matter. It's Founder's Day tomorrow (ooh I'm so thrilled), and we're all fired up to give our vocals a good workout!

Not.

Feh. The Japanese exchange students we have are extremely adorable (I sound like a paedophile when I say that) - we had them during dance lesson today.
It was mildly amusing, Lynn and I trying to babble to them in rather broken Japanese. PHAILURE, P-H-A-I-L-U-R-E.
The girl I helped was quite sweet, and very amusing. I had to keep asking her," だいじょうぶですか？" in fear that she was trying a bit too hard. Until finally I managed to tell her, "できなくてもいい", meaning it's okay for her not to do it xD

Language Arts paper come hither.

Celine did a fantastic job of tying my hair today, really. I requested a simple ponytail which somehow multiplied into seven of them, ooh.

016. happy birthday

2008-08-10T16:26:00.005+08:00

中島裕翔、誕生日おめでとう！
Happy Birthday, Nakajima Yuto <3

Well - this just means he's finally older (and weirder at that), but he's really amusing and lovable so it's all good (:

(I sound unnaturally quaky and nervous.)

It took me ages to write his name in Japanese - for some reason they don't write it that way and I couldn't find the Kanji for it. Trust Yuto to give me so much trouble, even just for his name.

WHY IS HE SO SKINNY?! Please, Yuto, grant us all a favor and grow fatter this year.

And finally some fun Yamajima (:
I actually found some Yamachii while scouring the net, so I shall happily insert that too xD

Actually it's ~~most~~ ~~mores~~ more like Chi ~~pesterring~~ ~~ppestering~~ pestering Yama. (WHAT IS WITH TE THE TYPOS)

Ahem. Time for my daily dose of ~~slash~~ fanfiction. Goodbye all (: ~~I JUST REALISED THAT JT RESEMBLES YUTO, INCLUSIVE OF PERSONALITY.~~

Again, happy birthday Yuto <3

015. quizaholicXXX

2008-08-08T16:56:00.002+08:00

Plagarised from Hwee's blog. I'm running out of words to describe how I rip quizzes off blogs in great random moments.

1) How much can you hate someone?
Quite a bit, but nowadays I don't have much reason to, so I think my hate-ability towards people have decreased greatly in general. Primary school was a completely different matter, hmmm.

2) What do you do before bedtime?
Usually use the computer, but maybe play the piano. The Blue Danube~ Celine and Tessa make a fantastic Blue Danube Duo!

3) What will your dream wedding be like?
(I actually stoned for ten minutes because I had no idea how to answer this)

Uh. I KNOW, LOTS AND LOTS OF CANDY AND CHOCOLATE AND CHAMPAGNE AND CAKE AND COFFEE AND CASH. That's all. If you must know I want it to be hot pink and black - but nobody would really want to marry me then -laughs- Except maybe gay people, but then they wouldn't marry a girl! -_-

4) What is the city of your dreams and why?
Tokyo, duh. Why? Because it's awesome and really indescrible, so there.

And because I love Japanese convenience stores, and because I love Shibuya 109, and I love cosplay on the streets of Harajuku, and I love instant miso they sell all over, and I love the FOOD in Sunshine City (Ikebukuro LOVE), and I love the friendly environment, and I love the shinkansen, and I love Japanese schools, and I love Ginza's traditional stores, and Daikanyama is like so chic and upper-class yet homey, and I love street food in Tokyo, and I think you get the idea.

5) Are you an introvert or extrovert?
I'm an introextrovert - go figure.

6) Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved, because it's more rare and really harder to come by. At least for me it is, because I'm actually (ahem) quite tender-hearted and find most people very easy to love.
It's odd because I'm so bad-tempered and snap at people all the time - but all you need to do is to do something really simple for me and I'll feel as if you just killed your entire family for me or something. Geez.

7) What do you look for in a good movie?
Good soundtrack, ha! And cute guys don't hurt the show either.

8) What person, dead or alive, is your role model?
Yamada Ryosuke, because he's perfect.

NO WAIT AKANISHI JIN BECAUSE HE'S STUPIDer(and still perfect).

9) Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Unhappy? UNHAPPY?! ANYTHING?!! These...days?!! ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR FRICKIN' MIND?!

10) When's the last time you had fun?
When I fangirl, I have fun.
When I drama, I have fun.
When I laugh, I have fun.
When I crap, I have fun.
When I eat food, I have fun.
When I drink drink, I have fun.
When I love people, I have fun.
When I listen to music, I have fun.

Well.

11) Is being tagged fun?
PHAIL, YOU QUIZ.

12) What is your favourite sport?
-pauses and considers what falls into the category 'sport'-

I suppose singing. What, that's not a sport?!
Dancing, at least? I don't care - I like dancing.

13) What's your dialect?
Cantonese, but what's it to you?

14) What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Unnaturally wonderful and amazing.

15) Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Single and rich, duh! What kinda question is this? Marriage doesn't necessarily entail true love, and even then, I STILL HATE COMMITMENT.

16) How many children do you want to have, if any?
None, done. If I did somehow by accident have any, I'd name them Andes and Rockies.

17) What's better, to give or to receive?
To give, because it gives me a happy and warm high. I think that's totally worth it, so much that I'd spend all my money on one person if I loved him/her that much.

18) If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Depends on who the two people are, no?! Probably the one who's richer HAHA NO I'M KIDDING - I'M NOT THAT MATERIALISTIC.
I'd dump both. It's not fair to either.

19) Create. My. Own. Question.
Why'd I wanna do that.

20) What are you waiting for right now?
My quizilla quiz result...aaand it's...

Nakajima Yuto.
WTH?!

The first time I tried a HSJ member compatibility quiz, I got frickin' Yuto too. Pssh. Quizilla, YOU LIEEEEE.

I shall try this. It's purely random, so it depends on luck.

AHA CHINEN Okay I'm happy xD

014. 君がいつもありがとう

2008-08-07T20:31:00.002+08:00

As you all know - I've been feeling pretty bad recently.

Things have somehow readjusted themselves - and I swear it's way more than just a lucky streak. It's really magical, and I chalk it up to God.

People in particular I'd like to thank; you guys have made my agony worthwhile, even insignificant in comparison to my happiness now.

Jane You'll probably never read this, y'know. Just the other day I thought you were mad at me for breaking down during sectionals - it was seriously one of the worst times of the year. I thought you'd be angry with me, and think I was a spoilt brat. You honestly surprised me by telling me it's not my fault and I could always talk to you. I was honestly so touched, and really comforted. Thank you, so, so much.

Leting You really know how to console a friend. Even though you may not get it all the time, but you try, and most of the time you're fantastic. Thank you for all the times you've tolerated my crap, much as I don't deserve it. I really am grateful for you.

Amanda Tan Although you're not as analytical as Leting, you're definitely wonderful at lightening up my mood. You make me smile for real, and not many people can do that. Thank you for always showing your concern, you mean a lot to me.

Cassmain You're honestly one of the sweetest persons I know around! I can't believe you ran down the corridor in the middle of choir just to make sure I was feeling okay, but it really touched me. Thank you so much.

Simhwee No matter how much we bicker and pick at each other's faults, I want you to know you mean so much to me. I can't imagine having gotten past all this time without you around, and you're always one of the first people in my heart. Thanks for all the times you've just been such a treasure to me.

Lynn Deep down, you know, I really do care a lot for you. You're my darling daughter, and nobody can ever replace that! Thanks for all the little ways you show you care, no matter intentional or not. Today you changed the water in our fish tank by yourself and everything - I was really moved by that. I love you a lot, so don't ever forget that.

Lauren I bet you're finding it odd to see your name here! But honestly - since we're going to have to work together for Drama now, I think I'll grow much closer to you in the coming weeks. Thank you for putting up with my mood swings and nonsense - no matter how much I insult and annoy you, I'm truly sorry and I really do treasure you a lot, both as a friend and someone I admire.

<3

013. lucky break

2008-08-06T20:31:00.002+08:00

[1] the person who passed you this quiz is...
Fwee, the very one and only.

[2] your relationship with him/her is...
Unnaturally ambiguous. Really! -raises hands in a defensive stance-

[3] your five impressions of him/her
1. Down-to-earth, I think nobody would disagree with that. Except maybe me, because I keep complaining about how she's a spoilt brat that should care for children in Africa who starve away (quote Celine on that). Wait, am I contradicting myself again?!
2. Extremely gullible -ahem- trusting and innocent, despite her somewhat polluted mind. Still haven't reached my standard, have you Simhwee?
3. Generally a crowd follower - it's not a bad thing but I really think so! (:
4. Highly amusing, especially when she's trying to prove an obviously invalid point.
5. Think Pink. Like, totally.

[4] the most memorable thing he/she has done for you
She's done too many amusing memorable things already! I guess, probably...uh, wait, was it...erm. HAHA I CAN'T REMEMBER.

[5] the most memorable words he/she has said to you
"You're not fat." xD

[6] if he/she becomes your lover...
Scream? And maybe laugh like mad when nobody's looking, because it really is FRICKIN' FUNNY. That's an interesting thought, but I wouldn't stand it because she'd be so much taller and skinnier than me -_-

[7] if he/she becomes your lover, what he/she should improve on...
More tact, less height.

[8]if he/she becomes your enemy...
Scream also. And agonize for months, until I finally convince myself that we're only feuding over Yamada or something, and sink into false consolation.

[9] if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason would be...
I stole Yamada? HAHA NO. Maybe because I overstepped the 'Daring vs Slutty' barrier.

[10] the most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is...
Make her laugh when she's down.

[11] your overall impression of him/her...
Annoying to the tenth power, and mighty tactless - but I love her anyway (:

[12] how do you think people around you would feel about you?
Hate me or love me because of my irrational and ineffable mood swings, and probably lament that I'm such a fluctuating idiot all the time. But poke fun at me anyway - the walking amusement booth! Come get your daily dose of laughter!

[13] characteristics you love about yourself are...
I have CHARISMA! And I'm a total ace at lying.

[14] on the contrary, the characteristics you hate about yourself are...
- Lack of EQ.
- Lack of bloody common sense.
- Abundance in swearing.
- My looks.
- My mind.
- Myself.

[15] the most ideal person you want to be is...
Yamada Ryosuke x)

[16] for people that care and like you, say something to them...
You like me? -shocked expression- Are you sure you don't have a fever?!
Thanks for all your unending support, despite the fact that I'm a disgusting and moody person. I love all of you way more than you can ever imagine, even if you're just some random guy who held the lift for me to go in before you (which in fact! Happened today. I was really touched), I thank you for making my life awesome. I don't want to leave this life, but it's because of you guys.

[17] pass this quiz to ten people that you wish to know how they feel about you
1. Leting
2. Lo Yee
3. Carissa
4. Simhwee!
5. Lynn (:
6. JT
7. That cute guy at my church xD
8. Richmond (ftw?)
9. Joshua (Suwe)
10. Cassmain

[18] is number 6 having a relationship at the moment?
[JT] Yeah, she has six kids too - Moss, Lichen, Sandra, Tundra, Baobab and Acacia. I told her not to do that, now her husband is pissed at her.

[19] is number 9 male or female
[Joshua] Male, but looks female. Very irritating!

[20] if number 7 and 10 are together, would that be a good thing?
[Cute guy at church and Cassmain] Awww so adorable! But so weird too -_-" Not very natural as far as I know. At least it's a girl and guy.

[21] how about no 8 and 5 being together?
[Richmond and Lynn] SCARY SCARY HORROR MOVIE OMG LIKE WTH TERROR STRIKES ME HEART SHIVER ME TIMBERS at least they're both ego. It's funny.

[22] what is no 2 studying
[Lo Yee] What smart people study x)

[23] when was the last time you had a chat with no. 3?
[Carissa] Today! She's damn funny and nice, so I talk to her a lot (:

[24] what kind of music band just no 8 like?
[Richmond] I just realised I DON'T KNOW. He like Jpop though, so that's pretty cool.

[25] does no 1 have any siblings?
[Le Ting] Uh I think so? HAHA.

[26] is no 7 the sexiest girl in the universe?
[Cute guy at church] Not a girl!! -screams- But yeah, he's pretty sexy. He's got Yuto Nakajima's physique, for heaven's sake!

[27] do you think its possible if no 4 and 5 date each other?
[Simhwee and Lynn] Yes?

[28] say something more about no 6
[JT] My deskie 24/7, and really good fun. And NOT FAT, geez.

[29] what's your relationship with no 9?
[Joshua] Friend from long ago, and arch-enemies when it comes to what game we play on the Xbox at his house. And when it comes to who gets to hug the bolster when playing Xbox. And when it comes to who gets to play with...You get the general idea.

[30] list all schools that no 1 to 10 are in/previous ones
I SKIP. Huh.

[31] what would you do if no 10 hates you?
[Cassmain] Cry and cry because I LOVE HER LOTS. She's so sweet.

[32] which of the ten people are in a relationship?
Like, literally, or imaginatively? xD

[33] how did you first meet no 3?
[Carissa] She's in my class, for eff's sake! I must be blind and stupid not to notice her! xD

[34] how would you react if no 3 and no 10 liked each other?
[Carissa and Cassmain] Something would be seriously wrong, really.

[35] what would you do if no 4 tells you she's pregnant
[Simhwee] Find out who the father is, duh! Then die laughing as my imagination takes over :D

012. true apothecary

2008-08-05T20:46:00.004+08:00

I don't know why it's happening, but it is. And I can't do a damn thing about it.

I don't want it, mind you. It's the last thing I'd even want, because it feels like shit and you don't even want to brag about how much you cried and how sore your eyes are and how sapped your energy is. I don't want to make a joke out of this.

I think Jane was the catalyst, but it really wasn't cool to cry in front of her (and the entire sop two gang present, but whatever). I felt like a total brat, crying as if I didn't want to lead warm-ups because I'm a snivelling, emo BRAT. Yeah, okay, I think that pretty much sums up the impression I gave her. I bet she hates me now; isn't that just dandy.

And, okay, that's not even the bulk of it.

I have no idea how to explain it, even to people like Leting and Mandy. Okay, I admit missing out on Graz is part of it - c'mon, APCG people don't talk to me, now half the choir as well? Gimme a fricking break. I'm used to it.
Being shoved away because I missed out is something I can take, for goodness' sake - it's almost an effing job for me.

I can't do anything for the choir. If I could even count the amount of times I've screwed up. Photocopy scores? Ooh, yeah, maybe once or twice. Clean up M3-C2? Oh yeah, I forgot, I have some other commitment. Two-pin plugs and whatnot? Where do you even find those? I'm a total failure. I don't even get it.

I can't be of any service to any of you, not even the slightest minor job. I'm like a total hindrance, all talk no action. Why can't I even do anything right anymore? Wait, since when could I even do anything right?

I feel like such a burden. Like I'm just lagging behind, and stuff. I know all of you are getting sick of my mood swings, and the way I always blow everything out of proportion and don a moody face like it's your fault. I know I do that. You know what?

I hate it.

I hate being all angsty and moody on you guys. I have this total A.P. (attitude problem), and I can't even change it anymore. I just sound like a spoilt brat for whining, when it's so clearly my fault, not any of you.

I'm the one with the A.P.
I'm the one who doesn't have the passion.
I'm the one who doesn't put in effort.

It's not fair to blame you, when it's all me. I know it, and I hate myself. I don't even know why I'm like this.

Remember the concerts? Everyone was blue and having post-concert depression. Yeah I was too - A LIE. A TOTAL LIE.

011. daiki daikin

2008-08-04T07:40:00.002+08:00

I SHALL STEAL QUIZ FROM JT, THE ONE WHO IS SEXUALLY CONFUSED.

1) THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
- Amanda
- Mandy
- You stupid person

2) THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD
- amanda (so original)
- AMANDA! (even more original! yeah!)
- amanda. (this one has a FULLSTOP LIKE OMG so cool right)

3) THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- Eh..?
(Simhwee's screaming that she wants to fill in this one for me but NO HAHA BOO TO YOU)

4) THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
- Fats. Lots and lots of epic fats! More than Simhwee. YES MORE THAN JT AS WELL.
- I'm short. WTH. ANGRYANGRYANGRY.
- Uh. The way I look in general. HA.

5) THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
- I HAVE AFGHANISTAN BLOOD x)
(Okay, I'm kidding! Kidding!)

Uh. My relatives come from Australia, China and Malaysia. Finis.

6) THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
- That I will waste my life away in general (by eating and doing nothing else.
- Stupid long dreams that prevent me from getting sufficient sleep. STUPID LA. WHY SO MUCH SLASH. AND WHY SO MUCH LOLLIPOPS. AND WHY SO MUCH NLB. AND WHY SO MUCH TERRORISTS. AND UH Starbucks (:
- (I just got interrupted by manic laughter due to Simhwee's description of her not-so-healthy dream. Quote: "I saw Yamajima and they were like all over each other! At the void deck la WTH")
- Rejection.

7) THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
- MAKAN. FOOD. YUMYUMYUM. OMNOMNOM. EATABLES.
- Handphone. If I do not receive daily interaction with my phone I will DIE.
- Fangirling (actually no, some days I go without, but at least fangirling in my head is counted then okay)

8) THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING NOW:
- Underwear.
- School U. Which is white and squary and gayyyy.
- The magical aura of an awesome person! (thanks to Hwee)

9) ~~THREE~~ ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
- TVXQ HA THEY COME FIRST NOT HSJ.
- HSJ (:
- Epik High.
- SNSD
- Super Junior
- Younha
- CSJH The Grace
- Se7en
- Clazziquai
- Utada Hikaru
- Crystal Kay
- CHEMISTRY
- Se7en (I doubled him; by accident)
- FT Island
- SS501
- Wonder Girls (OMG WTH)
- KAT-TUN (I like them for their music, really)
- ARASHI
- NEWS
- Tackey and Tsubasa
- Miley Cyrus (OMG WTH WTH WTH WTH NO WAYYYYY)
- Jesse McCartney
- Madonna
- Tata Young
- Justin Timberlake (HAR-DEE-HAR-HAR)

Enough.

10) THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (RIGHT NOW)：
Hey! Say! - HS7 (I actually forgot the name of it ._.)
Nothing In This World - Paris Hilton (OH MY GOLDFISH ME)
Doushite Kimi Wo Suki Ni Natte Shimattan Darou? - TVXQ

11) THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
- MONEY. Duh.
- Sex.
- Okay, okay, FINE. Love. I KNOW YOU WERE WAITING FOR THAT. -pouts angrily-

12) Two truths and a lie, in no particular order:
- I love myself.
- I love Yuuri Chinen.
- I love money.

Oh, a lie? Oops.

13) 3 physical things about the preferred sex that appealed to you:
- Smile (:
- (Simhwee's being evil. She offered 'shortness' LIKE WTH)\
- Retardedness. YES IT IS PHYSICAL.
- Femininity. CARISSA YOU DIE.

14) 3 of your favourite hobbies:
- Crapping, duh.
- Fangirling. Simhwee's satisfied.
- SINGING LA WTH THAT SHOULD COME FIRST!!

15) 3 things you want to do really badly now:
- Go for band concert and then sleep.
- Slip and fall and get an emoticon of it for myself (:
- Pull Yamada's hair.

16) 3 careers you're considering/you considered:
- Singer.
- Dancer.
- Model.

HAHA I LIE.

17) 3 places you want to go on vacation:
- Japan, I shall go to Kanagawa and kidnap somebody. SOMEBODY. Shit la she (Simhwee) doesn't know. Oh shit la she guessed.
- Korea, Sparklingggg!
- Hawaii? Hawaii. HAWAII. HA-WA-II. Har-wye-yee.

18) 3 names you like:
- Daiki Daikin.
- Joo Joonjoong.
- Fwee.

19) 3 4 things you want to do before you die:
- Become famous, the way I want.
- Drink more drinks than Sarah in one day MUHAHAHA OMGGGGG.
- Do something incredibly despicable and then get everyone to laugh at it.
- Type properly. (from Simhwee who has been observing me with utter disgust)

20) 3 ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
- I like pink. A lot.
- I like guys. That are feminine. SHIT.
- I AM WEIGHT-CONSCIOUS. How's that!

21) 3 + 1 from Simhwee ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
- I have no qualms about making a total fool of myself in public.
- I like girls. HAHA NO I DON' T! I DON'T!
- I am insensitive. -screams lyric's from Linkin Park's Numb-
- I AM RETARDED (from Simhwee) SHE'S SO MEAN.

PSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -vomits and dies-

010. one hundred regrets

2008-07-30T21:04:00.003+08:00

Peeled from JT (:

001.What's the connection between you and the last person that called you?
Uhm...oh, Audrey! She's my lovely lovely classmate and ex-deskie (:

002. Do you ever turn off your cellphone?
Duh. When the battery's giving up and trying to keep up with my undying publicity calls, I show some mercy and switch it off (for about two minutes).

003. Wad happen to you at 10am today?
I was sitting on the steps at the track, reading Miyuki Miyabe's Crossfire. During Phys. Ed, HYOHYOHYO.

004. When did you last cry?
After discussing subject choices with my parents. Childish, or what?! -forced laughter-

005. What is your favourite thing to eat with peanut butter?
Bread. What else?!

006. What do you want in your life right now?
Ryosuke Yamada. HAHA NO NOT REALLY. I want...to be recognized in society.

007. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put it up your hood?
Depends on my mood. Both look rather stylish actually - but I usually lack either.

008. What's your favourite thing to have on your bed?
-pauses- Myself.
I generally get irritated with the stuffed toys and pillows, too much unneccessary accessories.

009. What bottom are you wearing now?
None? HAHA NO. Shorts.

010. What's the nicest thing on your inbox said?
"Good afternoon! :)" from my daughter -_-"

011. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
Usually, but it's all my fault. I relish angst.

012. Are you wearing anything that is borrowed from someone?
-;peers at self as if I wear a ton of stuff all the time-
Uh, nope. I'M WEARING MY KOREA SPARKLING SHIRT :D

013. Do you like your current class?
Pretty much, but I don't think they like me :X

014. What are you proud of?
The fact that I haven't internally combusted yet, ha!

015. What's your handphone model?
Nokia 6288, and I love it! (:

016.What's was the last song you sang it out loud?
-ponders- I usually sing along to everything I listen to, so... I think it was SNSD's Honey.

017. Do you have any nicknames?
Yes. -stones-

018. What does your last received text say?
My dad, saying sorry he can't fetch me from third lang and he knows it's a hot day (:

019. What time did you go to bed last night?
Pssh. Go to bed, 11.30. Fall asleep, more like 2.30. The heat is so bad, it's hotter than me.

020. Are you currently happy?
Happy is subjective.

021. Who gives you the best advice?
This is truly deja vu. WELL DON'T TEST ME I KNOW WHAT I ANSWERED LAST TIME. I said Audrey, so there! HA.

022. Do you eat whipped cream straight from can?
Nah. Baked beans, peaches, pineapples, chocolate syrup, sardines - yes.

023. Who did you talk to on the phone last night?
Nobody. I communicate via psychic waves.

024. Is anything bugging you right now?
And the understatement of the year goes toooo...

025. What/who was the last thing/person who made you laugh?
People always make me laugh! They're so stu -ahem- AMUSING AND LOVELY (:

026. Do you wear toe socks?
NEVAHHHH.

027. Who is the last person you missed a call from?
Dad. I called him for fun and he called back and I ignored him xD

028. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes, and I swear never to ever let such a thing happen again. It was completely irrational.

029. What annoys you most in person?
This question is phrased suspiciously.

030. Do you have a crush on anyone?
No. I make sure YOU pine endlessly, not I pineendlessly!

031. Have you ever done cocaine?
...No.

032. what is the colour of your room?
Off-white. Mouldy color? -_-

033. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?
Definitely not, I'd do it for free.

034. Do you believe in the saying "talk is cheap"?
After years of suffering intolerably irresponsible people, YES. OBVIOUSLY.

035. Who was the last person who lay on your bed?
Very possibly me.

036. Who was the last person to hug you?
I think...OH. It was in church! Uh...Winona's friend! Whatever-her-name-is. She's nice and warm and friendly-ish.

037. Did anyone see the last person you kissed?
Liplock or not? Sadly, I can't remember, and it was probably a goodnight kiss to my mum.

038. Do you have a life?
GET A LIFE AND STOP ASKING LAME QUESTIONS.

039. Have you ever think someone died but they actually haven't?
You mean like, "Hello, haven't you like died already?!"

040.What's the reason behind your profile song?
Hrnh?! Goodness knows.

041. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
Yamada Ryosuke :D IT WAS FUNNY. He was uh dancing! I'm under the influence of numerous nosebleed-inducing GIFs ._.

042. Last time you smiled?
When I was eating Honeydew Jelly for dessert (:

043. Have you changed this year?
Fatter? ._.
And possibly less sensitive and more spiteful. Huh.

044. What are you listening to now?
My mum's weird Cantonese sermon on speaker. The kind you call and they blabber to you (themselves, actually, but yeah). Before that, Watashi No Sugoi Houhou from the DEATHNOTE OST.

045. Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Yeah, my conscience. It's telling me that I'm actually wasting my time with this stupid quiz!

046. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
Whaaaatttt?!

047. Is there a quote you live by?
Yes. Listen to whatever comes to mind and ignore everything else.

048. Do you want someone you can't have?
How utterly, deliciously, possessive.

049. Have you ever played an instrument?
Piano? -whams head on the giant black contraption that is my music instrument-

050. What was the worst idea you've in the week?
DOING THIS QUIZ. I'm only at FIFTY?!!?!!! -faints dead away-

051. What were you doing last night at 11pm?
Trying to do Trigonometry until I fainted. Lack of energy.

052. Are you happy with your love life now?
What love life? With my Chinese SIA perhaps?

053.What song describes your life?
SexyBack. HAHA NO. Uh.
Touch My Body. OKAY FOCUS FOCUS.
All Good Things Come To An End. There.

054. Does that person know that you like him/her?
WHAT person?!

055. Who always make you laugh?
Answered, goodness.

056.Do you speak other language other than English?
Chinese, but not unless absolutely necessary!

057. Are you blonde?
Smarter than one, but equally immature.

058. What is your middle name?
Okaa! My daughter picked it for me :D

059. What are you doing tomorrow?
Uh, what am I doing? Ohhh. School! Yeah!

060. What do you think you are like?
Psychologically, Junko Aoki of Crossfire. Mentally, a mental patient. Physically, Yuuri Chinen. HAHAHA HWEEHWEE I HEAR YOU LAUGH.

061. Who will you choose to die with?
I choose not to die. HAR-DEE-HAR.

062. Where have you been today?
The educational institute affectionately known as school, and MOELC. Festers.

063. What game you play often?
Guess my block test marks. I play it with my mother, don't you admire our close relationship!

064. Who are you missing now?
Lynn, Hwee and Mrs Kuan. Weird, really.

065. If you have to choose between love or friends which one will you choose?
Probably friends, because I can't commit to the other.

066. What are you doing right now?
-ahem- CHINESE SIA, really.

067. Which primary school were you from?
NYPS <3

068. Name 3 colours that you like:
Red, black, pink. I hear Cikgu Hanim (:

069. What emotion do you like to show?
The I-can't-really-be-bothered-because-I'm-way-too-awesome-and-you-know-it-and-are-going-to-tell-me-how-gorgeous-and-cool-I-look-right-now expression!

070. What is life to you?
Something I should make the best of before I go to heaven and live in eternal blessedness.

071. If you have anything troubling you, what will you do?
Cry, and then think rationally and conserve my tears. I'm dry enough as it is.

072. Who did you chat with on MSN last night?
Nobody.

073. Which model of phone did you use to own?
Nokia in various eras. ONE WAS COLORLESS ZOMGGGG.

074. Which month were you born?
June.

075. How are you feeling right now?
Stomachache. Must've been the Honeydew Jelly. BUT ACCOMPLISHED, because I FINALLY UNDERSTAND TRIG (:

076. What is the time now?
10.15pm.

077.Where are you now?
The study room where the computer faces the entrance. -cautious about my NC17 fics-

078. What colour do you use to dye your hair?
EXCUSE ME, grammatically incorrect much?!?!!

079. Why are you doing this test?
I don't blog enough and I should really start showing more of my true self to my adoring fans.

080. What feeling do you hate most?
When everybody doesn't get it, and can't be bothered anyway, because you're not important enough. To anyone. But even worse is, they think they get it. And you smile because it's best to leave it that way, isn't it?

081. What age you plan to marry?
Never. I shall be Peter Pan and never grow up and never marry PSSH.

082. Who is more important to you boyfriend or friends?
The boyfriend is non-existent. How do you know I'm not a guy? Or that I'm not gay? Uh but yeah, friends mean more. It's funny if they cheat.

083. Do you think you have enough confidence?
-retreats into corner and plants mushrooms-

084. Who is the person you trust most?
Myself. Because nobody else can ever, ever earn my trust. That's life.

095. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
God.

096. Describe the person who tagged you.
Uh JT? She's lovely and funny and not fat and makes me smile (:

097. What have you regretted doing in life?
Not standing up to my parents when I was young. But still, I didn't have a brain then. And constantly letting people down when it was obviously avoidable. I'm such a jerk.

098. What would you feel if no one cares for you?
Things would be sad, but better off.

099. What if your lover two-timed you?
Twenty-time him until he begs for mercy. And if he doesn't and plans to break up with me, BEAT HIM TO IT. PUBLICLY.

100. What is your greatest wish?
That I might accomplish my ambitions happily.

END END END.

009. brainblocktests

2008-07-22T16:23:00.004+08:00

TERRORRRR. I have no idea why I have this unnatural and completely absolutely unneccesary fear of block tests. THAT'S WHY IT'S UNNATURAL, damn!

And, just a tiny little fact to add - my brain's still clogged up with nothing (I repeat! NOTHING) but Yamada Ryosuke. Does that suck, or what?

I can hear Simhwee laughing. Hoo hoo hoo.

IT'S NOT FUNNY, DAMMIT! Pssh. -curls up in corner-

Eleanor and I have been messaging each other frequently, in between exams. It's rather funny. Here's a small editted excerpt published without her permission -sniggers-.

Eleanor: I swear, if Ryosuke comes [to Singapore], I'm gonna kidnap him.
Me: YES. But what are we going to do with him? -pauses- Actually I can think of many things to do with him, none of which are very mentionable.
Eleanor: I know what you're thinking and I completely agree with what you're thinking.
Me: Exactly. -smiles-

THAT'S why I can't focus on miraculous maths, I see! -sniffs-

Anyway, another update.
PLEASE READ.

I may be shifting back to my old blog [http://www.different-heartbeats.blogspot.com/] for various reasons (it still exists, y'know), but more on that later on.

YOU MAY STOP READING.

Math and third lang papers tomorrow, the pure horrorrrrrh. -nosebleeds and laughs diabolically-

008. tell-tale times

2008-07-17T16:50:00.002+08:00

This week has more or less been a period of total slack, and not much else.

It's really amusing actually, and it's quite awesome to be able to buy food whenever hunger pangs start stabbing at us. Maybe I shouldn't be saying this here in the first place, but IT REALLY HAS BEEN FREEDOM TO THE MAX. In your face!!

Iiiiiiiii shaaaaaaaaaall draaaaaaag my vooooooweeeeeeeels like Auuuuuudreeeeeeeeeeey.

My stupid song competition prize must have gotten lost in the post.
-counts days since I gave my residence address-
Or not. I think it's due any day now (like a frickin' delivery takes time).

Speaking of prizes, I won an Mp3 player from last term's Sabbaticals (:
It's really cool - BUT WHY ONE GB. That's just shite-y, because y'know, I already have a 1GB player. I know I sound like a brat, but c'mon! Even 2GB would make such a difference. What really irks me is the fact that my sister has 30GB and she's using like, 512MB. This is so unjust.

Never mind. I shall take Char's advice and dangle a collection of 1GB Mp3 players from my belt and switch the earpieces around when I'm on the road. (Yeah, right. When my name's Ah Beng maybe)

Ryosuke is seriously hot.
I derived that from staring at him till it hurt my eyes. He's a really difficult person to draw, seeing that he's pretty much a piece of art all by himself (Visualize: Copying Mona Lisa with color pencil on whiteboard). JE's seriously brimming with pretty boys.
I want a poster of Ryosuke! Then I can adorn my otherwise-plain-and-dreary wall, and nosebleed everytime I step into my room (paedophile much? -_-). Though it'll start to look suspicious when I start fainting every hour due to lack of blood, or something.

WAIT. I'm supposed to love Chinen, not frickin' Ryosuke! -horror-
-reprograms brain-
OMG CHINENNNNN he is SO EFFING ADORKABLE. I seriously love him.
Anyway, Ellie and Simhwee both love Ryosuke, so they can have him and I'll do Chinen instead.

...NOT LITERALLY, DAMN.

(Although that's an interesting thought.)

I shall now transform into Ryuk and eat apples. Yumyumyum.

006. ryosuke-love

2008-07-16T17:53:00.003+08:00

WHAT I DON'T GET IS: HOW CAN HE LOOK GOOD IN EVERY POSE. (Inclusive of accidental shots, wow!)
He's truly the only person who has more good angles than Jaejoong. I mean, for eff's sake, HE LOOKS GOOD SNEEZING, OKAY.

ThisisseriouslycatastrophicIlikeprettybutfrickingpretty
ICANNOTFATHOM.

I feel like a paedophile, again. Stupid pretty boys.
Yamada, you've been a really bad boy. Go to my room, now.

AH STUPID FLU VIBES. BLAME THEM, NOT ME!

006. i hereby solemnly promise to

2008-07-13T08:16:00.003+08:00

I had church last night, and I'm rather enlightened by many things.

I just sat there, contemplating what it really, truly means to live in eternity.

You know, that means you never die. There will never come a day when things come to an end, or the day when the lights get switched off and everything disappears. No, eternity is forever. And there's no 'break' when things go away for a while, before you resume 'eternity'. It's just there, forever, throughout your generation, the next generation and whatever there is to come.

It's overwhelming.
And I don't want to spend eternity in hell. It's like I'm realising this all over again.

Thankfully, not too late.

Okay, it's a bit lame, because I'm not the most well-behaved person on the block. I know it, you know it. (Hello? For someone who punctuates every sentence with some degrading vulgarity, I should know) And I'm not going to change overnight.
It's gonna hurt, changing tons of morals (or non-morals) and stuff that I've always believed in, but at least thankfully, I can still hold on to my ambitions and stuff like that. Thankfully, liking cosplay isn't forbidden, or anything.

Anyway, I'm writing this here, so for everyone who reads it, it'll be like another confirmation to myself that I have to comply to this, because I said I would.

I know if I don't, I'll be running away from this in another three weeks or so, and that's just stupid. How can I do that all my life, right?
Exactly.

[end of spiritual commitment thingy, please hold]

I woke up at 7.30 this morning.
I'm going to be hungry by ten! This is terrible.

And I'm getting really fat okay - no joke this time. It's getting really annoying, and I shall steal a treadmill from some community gym before I lose my mind -_-"

To all APCG people, have fun and remember me! (:

005. life is peachy

2008-07-12T13:58:00.002+08:00

Down with a stupid, stupid flu. The worse bit is that I can't taste anything that I bother to eat. I feel disgustingly weak.

In this miserable state I don't even having fricking appetite, so it's no big deal.

I'm studying Geography, and the funny thing is, I actually understand the heaps of definition that I'm reading, despite the fact that I practically switch off my ears during the lectures regarding river channels. The only bit that I wasn't sure about when revising was the bit about 'traction' (refers to the rolling and sliding of particles carried by the river) - I thought it meant something sick. Okay, so I was wrong.

My sister really detests HSJ, which is mildly amusing. She can remember who they are, though, even better than me. And she's like, "I hate that Yuuri Chinen. He sounds like a girl" and I'm like, "Chinen who?" for about five seconds.

Despite my very weak and somewhat terrible condition, I feel like dancing. Only my body reacts terribly slowly ("Can you get me that pencil?" Picks up pencil and drags it over table in thirty two seconds, five minutes later.), so I'm off-beat when I try to dance -_-"

I want to do a backflip and die laughing.

I actually attempted that weird bridge thingy Tzetze does when she stands and bends backward, and I collapsed on the floor because my arms gave way before I even touched the floor. And I went, "Damn" and stayed there for ten minutes. Musing over something random.

I'm too lazy to do anything right now, not even read smut. (HAHA)
Oh but. The other day I came across this webpage with amusing quotes taken from smut fics (amazing, seeing that smut is practically void of constructive dialogue), and this was one of them:

Changmin: I feel like I'm going to poop.
Jae: That's normal.

It's funny! Okay, in a really lurid and weird sense, but it's still mildly amusing.

004. happy-go-ducky

2008-07-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

For the first in an unbelievably yet plausibly long time - I feel happy-ish.

First of all, I shall congratulate myself! (Let me indulge in self-worship for at least once in a while. Don't some people do that everyday, anyway?) I've finally reached the 500 mark on DeviantArt! Actually, it's 503, but whatever - five hundred favorites and comments! It's truly mindblowing! Five times ten times ten!

(Celebrating by myself is stupid.)

I found out that, contrary to common belief, tons of girls - and I mean, nice sweet white-uniform-clad girls - actually read gay smut. How astounding is that!
I mean, I was sitting in front of the computer in terror, wondering if I'd committed some dreadful felony - only to discover that possibly a quarter of the people I know do this kind of thing way more often than me. It's actually rather scary.
But gay smut is so, so addictive. Although it's really strange and suspicious, and rather mundane (in every damned sense of the word)(I mean, come on, how much plot can there be in smut? It's usually just random sex)(Which is why it's mortifying!)(Let's stick to fluff, shall we).
I shall quote Hwee: "It's mostly breathless 'I love you's and unintelligible groans".

One, two, three; please convict these 'innocent' girls.

Anyway, that aside. I'm really happy that Lynn's not mad(ish) at me (emphasis! emphasis!). I think I shall buy her gummies tomorrow! -digs into piggy bank and fishes out cash- I can't believe I've actually exceeded my pocket money limit for this week already. Thanks to Gaoge's pressie :X

AEP was a riot, enough said.

003. candy over mandy

2008-07-09T19:57:00.001+08:00

Lynn seems to be mad at me. It feels really depressing, and I don't think I want to go to school tomorrow.
The funny thing is - she's been talking like me and now I actually realised how cutting my own terms are. It kind of hurts to hear how you sound - especially if you have a sharp tongue. It's like she's not really Lynn anymore, because she's moody-ish and she retaliates really hard now. Last time she'd just say something egotistic and amusing - but now it's really quite painful to talk to her. Hmmm.
Anyway, Lynn, if you're reading this - I'm sorry if I did anything to annoy you (ever, or recently) and I don't actually mean all the stuff I say to you. You're one of the most wonderful people I've ever met in my life and you mean a lot to me. If you're feeling moody, I'll leave you to be moody, as long as it makes you happy(ish).

That aside (if that's even theoretically possible), I called in to the radio station last night for some song competition. (Shock! Horror! You mean she actually did that?!) I sounded rather shite-y, partially due to the fact that I was unnaturally nervous. I mean, my voice was actually quaking, and I had to raise my speaking voice two pitches higher just to cover it up. I sounded like SNSD times fifty, good gracious.
But anyway, I managed to clinch third prize - not too bad for a loser like myself. To be frank, I was rather pissed with the second prize winner, but elaborating would just make me sound like a sore loser and a bighead. So I shall listen to my own common advice and Shuttup.

For some reason - どうしてかわからない- I really love slash pairings now. And this is the precise time in history that I should slaughter myself.
I mean, it's truly ineffable. It's just awfully fun (oh my goldfish, I don't really mean that, do I?) and thrilling to doodle slash pairings. Or render them till they become infallible. I've done tons of NearXMello, some LightXL (much as I detest that ridiculous pairing) and some LXMello.
It's so intense it doesn't matter whether it makes sense anymore, as long as you throw two guys together it's all cool.

HAHA I can hear the world screaming at me. My sketchbook is rapidly detiorating in the moral sense.

I feel awfully fat today, hmmm. Must be the lipid vibes.

002. sheep mentality

2008-07-08T16:10:00.000+08:00

School was mildly fascinating.

"Now to round up Amanda's daily calorie intake! She has eaten - one bar of Cadbury's milk chocolate, one bar of Toblerone, one bar of KitKat, two cans of mind-blowingly sweetened coffee, a bag of highly unhealthy potato chips, and random scraps of proper food (i.e. tuna sandwich and noodles)! Congratulations!"

I'm so unhealthy it startles me, but then again I should completely smother myself in my youth when I am still capable of eating a whole bar of chocolate without any medical qualms. When I actually hit thirty and prepare to meet my demise, I will be eternally grateful for the times I chose chocolate over...over, well, everything else.

Speaking of which - we had some major balloon-bursting today, which really took years off my already-unnaturally-short lifespan. Pop.

It actually sounded more like a damned atomic bomb, and I swear I've dropped fiifteen years from my original lifespan. Meaning I shall die next year. Please don't let that come true, I was kidding! I haven't even shot anyone yet! -wails-

We're doing Human Reproduction in Biology, which is really awesome. I'ts sad that JT's leaving today - she asks some pretty amusing questions in Bio.
"Uh, how does it become hard?"
"..."
And the bit when she took my advice seriously to ask our teacher:
"How does the male get aroused?"
"..." -intense silence followed by uncontrollable snickers-

I'm truly amused. But okay, Human Repro is definitely funner than ecology, so I'm not complaining about anything. I'm sure most of us are having fun as well. Pity for the people missing a huge bulk of class.

Ooh, I just saw this banner that says 'Yesasia.com: The Hottest Stars, The Hottest Music. Korean Pop at YESASIA' with TVXQ's faces on top.

At least it's not the Wonder Girls or something, thank goodness.
Although for some baffling reason I actually find the Wonder Girls' music rather catchy. Please, please do not let your music sense detiorate.

Ahh. When you find 'Hey U' by Chakra awesome, you know you've already passed the gates of Worst-Music-Taste-Everdom, and you may just shut up and smile.

I feel hungry (again)! Maybe I'll eat an apple or something. Or chocolate. Or cookies. Or cake.

Best wishes to JT and Tzehui! Lovely people overseas (:

001. chocolate inventory

2008-07-07T11:36:00.000+08:00

This is serious.

My chocolate supply is virtually gone. I really don't understand it, because only two days ago it was still bursting with Cadbury and Vanhoutten. Now all I've got is two suspicious-looking lumps of cardboard dipped in brown paint that reasonably experienced people refer to as "crap chocolate". It's really disheartening.

And I was planning to sneak out of the house early this morning to save my poor chocolate stash, but I had a splitting headache and couldn't crawl more than five steps without seeing stars.

Stars, I kid you not.

Anyway, that aside! I just read an article on DBSKer that seems remarkably intriguing. TVXQ was made ambassadors of Universal Studios, Osaka (I swear I hear choruses of "Really?" and "Whatever"), and now Universal Studios is using their latest single 'Box In A Ship' (which sounds highly suspicious) as one of the songs played during the ride Hollywood Dream.
I think I mentioned that ride before - y'know, the killer rollercoaster?
It plummets like mad, while blasting some catchy tune from the speakers strategically placed to kill your eardrums before you hear the general rollercoaster populace scream. Oh goodness, the frightening memories.

But anyway. It's a huge achievement for TVXQ - but miniscule in comparison to what they already do, so I'll just sit here and wait for them to break another world record, or something.

My whole family is down with some contagious flu, and someone's always sniffing every nanosecond. Like, "One two three, let's sneeze!" Synchronized sneezing! And endless reiterations of 'snnfff' after. It's mentally taxing.

My eyesight is funny. Either that or a little black dot-shaped fairy did flit across the screen, somewhat unsteadily. Teeter-totter.

Ah I still haven't gotten Lynn's (actually MINE) Korea Sparkling shirt yet. And that way it shall remain until tomorrow, or whenever the Korea Tourism Organization closes down. Maybe I shall just ask my daughter to collect her (actually MINE) prize by herself :X

I hear my lunch. Adios.