Wednesday, April 28, 2010
*001 goodbye, hello
Now here's a surprise.
This was - actually, still is, since it's existent - an old blog of mine,
I might be back since
my sister has discovered my LiveJournal.
These things depress me.
I refuse to lock it, because then
it'd block another huge bunch of people from
access to my
that's not such a huge loss, is it?
C'est la vie,
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
053. pass by the bypass
I cannot take it anymore.
It's been sitting in my head, swirling around, mixing everything else up, just threatening to kill my system at 'Go'. I don't even know what I'm doing here anymore, hell, I don't even know what I'm thinking anymore.
And it's not fair.
It's not fair, to me.
I'm always the one stuck, with the leftovers. The loose ends get thrown to me to tie up, because, that's just what I'm good for, aren't I? I'm the one, who juggles bowling pins and chainsaws while you look on and offer half-hearted applause, the one who ends up falling all over myself trying to get you, to notice.
I'm the one you turn to, when you've got a few extra worksheets, a few hours to spare, a few days of leave, a few months of not knowing anyone else, a whole lot of idle time online.
And, you throw me the whole package, and slope off halfway for something better, and I've got the rest left to sensibly eradicate, on my own.
I'm sorry I never said thanks.
You're just about to argue, that that's not true, that you've got it worse, that I'm making a big deal of out something everyone gets as well.
I don't need to know we're all equally unfortunate.
Perhaps we are, but some of us, are more wilful than others.
And some of us, just don't know how to be loved.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
052. letterless keyboard
Willa's keyboard has missing letters. I have to guess where 'E', 'R', 'T', 'A', S', 'D', 'C', and 'N' are, and 'M''s going too.
Lynn's reading over my shoulder because this post was meant for her.
Now she's hurrying me. What a nag.
Hello, Lynn, are you reading this?
Good, then I won't have to write it.
Alright, alright. This post is dedicated to my lovely little lazy Lynn, who is and always be my darling daughter. She just called me a purple cow, and I'm wondering why I'm flattering her here. It comes from being the understanding and compassionate mother I am, I'm sure.
Willa's mother buys delicious chocolate muffins.
Lynn doesn't like chocolate muffins. She says she's okay with them, and she doesn't really like them, neither does she really like them. I've just learnt something inspirational about my daughter. I'll bet she likes coffee buns warm from the oven.
HA I KNOW YOU.
I KNOW YOU DON'T DRINK COFFEE.
But. You like warm coffee buns. Just shut up and agree.
My acrylic nails feel like they're gonna snap off. Like teeth that are going to drop off soon, or something. That may well be the case, in a few days.
Lynn [lee-en]: adj., encompasses all positive meaning.
Friday, June 12, 2009
The weather's crazyhot.
In fact, it's so bad, I'm losing my mind, sorta.
Who knew weather could be so annoyingly erratic?
I went out with Hwee today - finally.
It was, mildly awkward, and a lot inspiring. I love that awesome girl.
She got me lovely stuff from the Land of The Rising Sun; reduced sugar chocolate Pocky and a pretty lil' keychain in the shape of a bass guitar. A red
I told you, she's awesome.
We sloped around Kinokuniya a lot, and I found a whole bunch of interesting material I'd never seen before. It's amazing what you can discover, with a friend around.
"I love being surrounded by Japanese things!"
"Yeah, but everyone loves it now, I don't want to like it."
"It feels overrated."
"Exactly, like you have to share."
"...Like how everyone loves Yamada and we don't want to love him anymore."
I bumped into Richmond, after god-knows-how-many years, he's tall and skinnyish ._.
He couldn't recognize me, for a while. Mehh.
He was doing street sales, like Hwee, which really amused me. It's a damn small world, and we know it. I could list another fifty similar incidents where I realised people I meet in the oddest ways were actually right beside me all along - but, so could you.
We're out of cornflakes and soy milk. Unfortunate.
So many things going through my head right now, I don't really feel like entertaining any of them. It's really tiring to try and focus and any one thing right now, and I'm greatly out of it.
A few months before, I would've tried consulting somebody or the other.
It's a bit difficult.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
050. love in 1597
I wonder, what I should have for lunch.
It's already 1.04pm, but I'm not very hungry.
It's, knowing what I want but not having it.A sinister romantic, oh, he's about to be and she's about to see.
I honestly thought turning fifteen (in three days, specifically) would've held more excitement than this.
But I'm not really disappointed, not really. What had I been expecting, truth be told?A glittery romantic, oh, he's about to be and she's about to see.
People tell me, growing up's a lot like falling.
People tell me it's not very much like what we expect.
So I don't expect, and it turns out the wrong way again.
Which is it?Oh, don't you know it, don't you know it?
It makes me want to, think.
Back to topic at hand, what shall I have for lunch?
I have noodles, which I'd have to cook.
I could buy something, from the coffee shop nearby.
I could take a walk, I could.
Maybe.That's Shakespeare in love.
You think it's funny, do you?
You think it's just a joke, I'm just a joke.
To throw it all in my face, to just.
Kick me, and hurt me, and run off laughing.
Over, over and over again.
It drives me insane, you know that?
To think, I raised my hopes, skyhigh.
But it was all so, futile.
To think, the efforts I'd made.
The allowances, the favors I'd granted.
Over, over and over again.
I don't get it, I really didn't, but.
Now I do, huh?
Now that it's all too soon, now that I've said it all.
What do I have left, honestly?
What can I say, that'll make you see?
To think that, I'm never up there, with the rest.
I just don't match up, ever.
I'm just a joke to you, am I? I'm just.
Somebody that won't be of significance, something, even.
I'm happy I could make you smile.
Just for a second, but.
It'd be nice to know, I'm worth a bit more than just that.
I crack myself up, sometimes.
Damn you, Tuesday.
Monday, June 8, 2009
048. 21st century breakdown
GREEN DAY'S NEW ALBUM IS OUT <3I'm going, to get it.
Thank goodness I have some Birthday Money to spend, else I'd be broke.
"Go get yourself something you like", they say.
But, I'm not exactly sure what I like.
And the things I do know, I can't really buy.
But on that note, I'd like to, spend a day doing nothing, not having to worry. Just one day.
Drinking coffee at Starbucks,
spending time with somebody who loves me,
and won't tell me things I don't want, to hear.
Just to be, happy.
It's a lot, to ask for.